Category: Let's talk
Are open relationships ok? What if you don't tell the other people involved?
There's a topic about this on Dating and Relationships.
Personally, I think that if you and your partner agree to it, it's okay. If not, absolutely not. I'm not okay with them at all, but that's just me.
Well if you don't tell the other parties involved, it isn't an open relationship is it? Its cheating...
Personally, I don't think it's ok. Why call it relationships? if the other people involved don't know, then it's not a relationship. No thanks to such a situation for me.
Post 3 said exactly what I was going to; if you don't tell the people involved, it's not open. And if you claim it is, you're just making excuses.
um, i think Miah refers to Cam, however, agree with them both. if you have an "open relationship", and people who involve in it beside you not knowing that is an open relationship and not agree with it, its multiple layer of cheeting.
as in personal level, open relationship for me is not okay. however, we talking about 21st century, everyone have the choice to choose wat they want, and what they comfortable with it. as long as parties involve iare confortable with having an open relationship, thats fine. but, is definitely not something for me.
I'm in an open relationship and see no problem with them if they're truly open and all parties involved are honest with each other. To be fair, he isn't interested in anyone else, so it's really on my side. Also, I haven't been with anyone, aside from some online fun, since we started going together almost three years ago. But even then, and on my various profiles, I always say that I'm in an open relationship and am not looking for another. At the most, I'll take friends with benefits. I also tell my man if I'm interested in someone, and this would be especially true if I planned on meeting the new man. I also never do one night stands. For the record, my boyfriend and I are together in real life not online.
open relationship is just a way to say cheating. It is wrong, the end.
Define cheating. Define open relationship. Explain why you consider an open relationship to be cheating. Define wrong. Explain why an open relationship is wrong. Here are my responses.
I've used my Language Master in order to begin with the proper definitions of cheating..Cheat
Cheat
1. To deprive of something through fraud or deceipt.
2. To practice fraud or trickery.
3. To Violate rules as of a game.4.
4. To be sexually unfaithful.
an open relationship, and for this I am not using a dictionary, usually consists of partners who may freely engage in certain acts with others with the knowledge and concent of Their primary partner/s. Therefore, while they are being sexually unfaithful, as described in the fourth definition of cheating, they are not depriving anyone of anything (in this case the knowledge of being with other people) nor are they lying/being deceitful or trying to trick anyone into anything. Not all open relationships have the same rules. In some, the primary partners may agree to only allow kissing or online flirting, for example, while in others, full sexual contact with outsiders is permitted. Still, so long as the partners respect each other and don't break the boundaries that they've set, no rules can said to have been violated. So this is also not cheating in the third sense.
I shall again turn to my language Master for the definition of wrong.
Wrong
1. An injurious, unfair or unjust act.
2. A violation of the legal right of another person.
3. Something that is contrary to justice, goodness, equity or law.
If we hold the above examples of an open relationship to be true, then all parties were aware from the start that there were primary partners and secondary partners involved. There is, on the one hand, a real relationship, and on the other, a fling, a friend with benefits etc. Assuming that no one was physically or mentally hurt, then no injury has taken place. Also, since the parties were not forced to be together, and we're asuming that they're of legal adult age, no rights have been violated and no truly unjust act has occured. The only possible way that it could be "wrong" is in the legal sense, if any of the partners are married, since this would fall under the category of adultery. But again, we're dealing with a situation wherein honesty and communication is key and in which all parties have agreed that this is a good thing and that this is what they desire.
Therefore, an open relationship isn't cheating, except in the narrowist of senses nor is it wrong, except legally, and then only in certain circumstances. I hope that clarifies things.
if you don't tell your other half that just makes you a whore
THe whole point of an "open relationship," is to be OPEN! Not telling your partner is not being open. I, personally disagree with it, but hey, its your life. I will tell you thoughm that what you are doing, is cheating.
Certainly, it's not an open relationship if you don't tell your partner. In that case, I totally agree that it's cheating and wrong.
Not for me, but go for it, if that's what you and your partner have agreed to.
But if they never learn of each other's existence, where's the harm?
"open" means to be open with each other, with parties involve. if one have multiple partner without the realization of others who involve, that is not consider "open", that is consider as cheating.
of course, that is only my personal view. if you okay with that, feel free to go for it. just remember, when your partners eventually found out about your other partners who involve, that would be a problem. you might end with none
it's called an open relationship for a reason...and if you don't tell your partner about others, it's cheating!! end of story. they aren't for me, but if they work for others, fine.
I totally agree with the last two posts and especially with Season. I also think that people deserve exatly what they get when they cheat, partiularly if they've agreed to be open and then lied about it.
Well, firstly if people do not tell all parties involved it is called cheating, not open relationship.
Now your question whether cheating is ok if no one finds out is a different matter.
Firstly the problem is that a person is really bound to find out sooner or later and it can cause all sorts of problems and drama for everyone involved.
Let's just look at each of the three parties involved:
If you are "the other person" are you willing to accept that the person does not really want you enough to break off his/her relationship for you. If you are ok being "the other man/woman" I suppose that's your personal choice, but be prepared to deal with a sudden break up or with angry phone calls or more from the partner once he/she finds out. One might also question the self respect of someone satisfied to be in this situation, but one might just want the casual sex stuff and I do not think this person is morally responsible for the relationship. If you are single and you want to have sex with a married man or woman and that person wants it to, it is not your job to save that person's marriage or relationship, but you must understand what it means for that person's view of you. That person might be in the process of breaking up and be worried or afraid and might eventually break off the relationships to be with you, or the person might just be using you for physical needs or something entirely different, it depends on the individual case and you must use your judgement but, like I said, be prepared to take the consequences.
If you are the partner being cheated on you may have a lot of anger and humiliation once you find out about the cheating. But sometimes you may want your partner to cheat on you and feel guilty so he treats you better. There's a famous Friends episode on this where Joey's mom knows his dad is cheating and likes it because he is nicer and more romantic with her as a result. So you can't just blanket say it'll be awful, it always depends in the situation, but rarely I think, will people be happy to be cheated on, it's a big blow to one's respect and, consequently, self respect and self esteem.
If you are the "busy" person in the middle, it depends on your reasons for cheating. Is it because you can't stand your relationship but you are forced to stay in it, or you are too afraid to end it or hope it'll end automatically without the "talk" or drama, or do you just want some fun outside the relationship, sex with someone else, a little adventure. If that's what you want, should you be in a relationship in the first place. Can you and your partner may be talk it over and make it into an open relationship if you feel that may work for you both? Do you may be want to be found out to have an excuse to get out of the relationship without having to "dump" the other person.
I think the man or woman in the middle here is always worried about being found out, feeling guilty about what he/she is doing, I think it's a big blow to their self respect too really, because everyone knows what one is doing is wrong and someone is bound to get very hurt eventually.
The more I see the world the more I ealize some things work for some people I could never imagine might work, so the less judgemental I become really. Live and let live. But, from my perspective, I think cheating will cause a lot of drama and harm to everyone involved. The "other person" and the cheater have a choice about it and I think making the choice to cheat will hurt them, the partner being cheated on has no choice obviously and probably would not want to find out, but one really should ask oneself the reasons why this is going on and try to fix them instead of playing this game.
Cheers
-B
I do it because it gives me a sense of power, not to mention tons of gifts. After years of practice I know I'm a good enough liar that none of them will ever find out, and even if they get suspicious at my not contacting them for ages I always turn it round and make them feel guilty as hell for doubting me.
damn. this is messed up sounding
I dono and I can't understand the theory of open relationship yet.
while you want multiple partner, and this is what you name it as open relationship, why don't you do that by being a single and go or sleep with anyone instead? I'm not trying to hurt anyone, but this is what I feel.
I'm still confused with this thing.
and as per my personal opinion, relationship has to be with only one. if not, that has to be named ... some other. I have to think of that.
Raaj.
Oh jesus H. Christe! It is wrong and if you participate in such things, you are a slut. The end.
Thanks for another pointless, name-calling post margorp. You apparently didn't read my post where I disproved your points. that, or your arguments went right over your head. As to Michelle O'shea, this will undoubtedly come to bite you in the ass one day, especially if you ever do really fall in love with someone and they do it to you. Let's not even consider if someone slept with another and gave you an std or if you have it and carelessly gave it to another, thereby ruining their life forever because they actually believed that you were an honest person and clean. I'm not in any way saying that having multiple partners always leads to stds. But when no one knows what's going on, anything can happen. If you want to be a cheater and liar just call yourself such. Don't drag down those of us who are in honest open relationships. People who automatically pin women with multiple partners as sluts do enough damage as it is without the extra confusion.
To Michelle O'Shea, you are a sad sad individual. I pity you, and am disgusted by what you do. I've seen what people like you do to the people you're with when you eventually get found out, and you always get found out by at least some of them. And I do hope you get found out, because no one deserves to be lied to like that.
Pointless? It seems to me that any sort of justification of such a so-called relationship is simply discusting. As far as the name calling, I am simply telling it as it is. I'm sorry if you find it distasteful but if you think about it hard enough, you will thank me for my outbursts.
I am so sadend to see such warped atitudes towars the social contract.
And I'm so sad to see that Puritanism is still alive and well. I'm very happy in my relationship and highly doubt I'll be thanking you for your "outbursts" any time soon. I'm not saying that to disagree with me is wrong. I'm saying that to make it seem as if anyone who disagrees with you is "warped" or "wrong" is closed-minded to say the least. There were plenty of people on here who choose not to engage in open relationships but who didn't bash those who do.
Years of practice?
I'm genuinely curious.
How many times did you slip up? How many times were you discovered and abused before perfecting this lifestyle?
Or is this something that resulted from some other motive? Maybe it became a habit for you after a terrible break up? Do you behave this way due to some underlying issue? Perhaps the people you victimize serve as a justification for what was once done to you?
I'm genuinely curious.
Yes I am well-aware that the world is full of predators, but just curious as to what you have to say. Maybe you operate on entirely different rules.
Saying it makes you feel superior means nothing because obviously your "victims" get what they want from you. This sounds like an illusion.
So what is it?
Even if I slip up and my lies start contradicting each other, I can usually get away with it by coming out with some sort of sob story. Saying I was raped as a teenager tends to shut most people up, though it's a complete lie, and I can use it to account for my long silences and lack of contact. This can go on for years, and I like stringing them out as long as possible. If anyone starts getting really suspicious and asking others about me, I can easily destroy their reputation and provoke them into getting banned from any forums I'm on just by spreading blatant lies about them, that they hit women for example, until no one will have anything to do with them or believe anything they say.
oh my god. just, oh my god
I'm really starting to wonder if she's as bad as she says she is, or just an attention seeker, trying to get reactions out of all of us, which she has done very well at so far. i'm inclined to the attention seeker opinion: see post 28.
Do you believe that no one could really do those things?
Well, I assure you that they could - though not by me. In fact, all of the above, and a great deal more, was done *to* me, by the user here known as Alex. My intention was, and is, simply to expose her.
To the admins: Why wasn't Alex banned for all her multiple accounts? Lilian, sapphic_dreamer, kathryn, to name just a few? And isn't posing as someone else to screw gifts out of people, and libelling them when they find out, against the rules?
what the heck? now I'm confused. how was saying you did them going to expose someone else? someone explain to me?
It was a convenient way of describing what she did - Alex - and finding out people's reactions to her activities. And yes, she provoked me into getting banned the first time - to silence me - and will no doubt get me banned yet again.
ooooh drama, how i missed it. Was alex your friend? i have no life and want details! and how do you know all this..give me the juice. Haha i hardly get on here anympor cuz it's boring, about time there was some spice to this place:P
You can have all the details you want, with pleasure. Since I'll no doubt be getting banned very soon, please e-mail me at chyrenselin@ymail.com - and that goes for anyone, too.
nevermind, that's too much work. lol
The offer is there, for anyone to take up if they wish.
Well, as I said, attention seeker. Told you guys. Gone now.
agreed with cam, it's not an open relationship if you don't tell your partner, it's just having an affair, no matter what spin you put on it to ease your own mind...
lol this story so sounds like another user we have. heheheh
troll
Anyone wanted to know what 'troll' on the net meant? Now you do.
I don't say this too often, but was she, the original poster, for real? I think not.
Maybe "slut" is a bit overboard, if both partners in this relationship are open with all parties involved, but if not, then yes, that's about right.
I sure hope not, but what a shame if she was serious...
I like Janell's post 34. LOL Who will be the next to be banned, I wonder?
I believe in open relationships. The kind I'm talking about are where trust, laughter, interesting communication and mind blowing sex are frequent enthusiastic and mutually enjoyed.
The ones I think you puppies are speaking about are hippocritical ones where you can have security and get no strings physical intimacy on the side. Now, let's think about this. What is a committed relationship? It can be many things. t Commitment between same or opposite gender couples is paramount. Back in my day, you know when the dinosaurs freely roamed the earth, we called open relationships slutty behavior and screwing around.
If you want to share your love of books or vivaldi with a guy but can't stand him in the sack, for goodness sake tell him and be friends. In all these kinds of relationships, and I've seen lots of 'em, there is a victim and a victimizer. If not used with extreme kindness and sensitivity a so called open relationship can leave one person extremely hurt.
Excuse me, but I thought that emotional intimacy was a key part to rockin sex. I mean the physical pleasure is great, but the sharing of the mental bonding or whatever makes it even better.
I know people who have open marriages and kids. This totally makes me want to go take a bath. What do kids learn about intimacy from watching that little party?
Sex doesn't burn that many calories. If you want a good workout go to the jim. You have a lot greater chance of meeting someone worthwhile and a lot less opportunity to get life threatening illnesses.
Sorry if i'm too frank. Be sure and blast away at me. I'm tough.
sex doesn't burn that many calories? I thought it did. hahaha I no off topic but.
if you are the agrressor it is like 100 calories for an orgasm. less if you are passive.
damn that's it? like how long do you have to walk to burn 100 calories? just trying to see how much that actually is
hahaha love the turn this thread took
stills smells of troll to me.
Good old Usenet-style troll.
depends on how fast you stride out. anyware from 10 to 30 minutes.
I feel mest with by getting sucked into this topic but we've learned something:
We've learned that some people think such behavior is okay. We've also learned how anything can be justified by a language master. Finally, we've learned the puritanism is alive and well. Really this is all quite sad.
We've also learned that troll detection is pretty sparse now, though there's one CL that caught it, though SisterDawn didn't use the same words.
As to the language master? Perhaps someday it will make its mark in the world by being used to justify the bombing of some plac:. Then, when it gets found it and is all over Twitter the blogosphere, Facebook and the network news ofin that order), any of us that never heard of it before coming on here can tell our friends where we first heard of it, and saw it used to similar purpose - justification, that is.
Sad perhaps, but at least mildly amusing.
And perhaps the language master will come out with a feature called the moral compass. This great feature will tell people how to behave and how to think.
If ya gotta sneak around to do it, it ain't open now is it? In that case, it's cheating. Wow... The brains of some people...
She'll get what's coming to her some day.
exactly; karma, karma, karma.
Hmm, karma is such a lovely idea isn't it .. too bad it's just that.
People like Michelle should just be allowed to charge straight up $100 for the hour, or whatever, and make a living out of it .. after all, who needs to travel long ways to work when you can make a fortune lying on your back.
And the sad thing is, some people would actually go for that. But hey, if she's as convincing as she says, she should have no problem.
wow! what a thing to read when your bord, right? at first i thought that this girl was a control freak, who should be strung up for what she's doing. then, when she revealed her true reason for this thread, my thought turned to utter revoltion! the poster who said, "trole" was right, and so was Alicia, when she said, attention seaker. in my appinion, open relationships are for thoes who can't, or won't commit to one person, and one person alone, and noone is going to change my mind on that. if you want to have sex with more than just one person, then be single, that way you won't hurt anyone if it all doesn't work out. personally, i'd much rather be in a loving relationship with one person only.
I agree.
Just don't get in a relationship if that is how you wish to act.